When Matt and I moved in together, I thought it was the beginning of something solid. We’d been dating for two years, and while we had our ups and downs, I figured most couples do. But everything changed when I was deep-cleaning one afternoon and found a note — tucked way in the back of an upper kitchen cabinet we rarely used.
It wasn’t just any note. It was a handwritten letter from Matt’s ex.
Here’s what it said:
Dear Matt’s Future Girlfriend,
I know it’s you reading this because he’d never clean back here. I’m putting this here because I’m leaving him soon and want to warn you about him:
-
He will not clean
-
He will not listen
-
He will make everything feel like it’s your fault
It’s not your fault, he’s just an incompetent man. I’m leaving him, I suggest you do the same.
Best wishes,
Teresa
My hands were literally shaking. Part of me laughed — it felt like something out of a movie. But the other part of me felt a tight knot in my stomach. Because… Teresa wasn’t wrong.
I had been picking up after Matt for months. I’d told myself he just needed time to adjust to living together, that maybe he hadn’t lived with someone serious before. But the truth is, he didn’t clean. He didn’t listen. And too often, he’d spin small disagreements into me feeling like I was being irrational.
I sat with the note for a while before deciding to show it to Matt.
“Do you want to explain this?” I asked, handing it to him.
He read it. No visible panic. No embarrassment. Just a shrug.
“Yeah, Teresa was dramatic,” he said. “She was always nagging. Honestly, she just couldn’t handle stuff.”
My heart sank.
Not a hint of self-awareness. No surprise that I found it. No concern about how I might be feeling. Just a quick dismissal of a woman who had clearly reached her limit.
That’s when I did something unexpected: I reached out to Teresa.
I found her through mutual friends and messaged her, simply saying, “Hi, I found your note. I think I need to talk.”
She replied within the hour.
We spoke on the phone that night — and she was nothing but kind. Not bitter, not angry. Just honest. She told me about their relationship, how she slowly felt like she was losing herself, how she started doubting her instincts, how it was never “bad enough to leave” — until it finally was.
I realized I was following the same pattern.
I’m still processing what to do next. But I’ll say this — Teresa’s note wasn’t just a warning. It was an act of solidarity, a quiet message from one woman to another. And it opened my eyes to a truth I’d been trying to ignore.
If someone leaves you breadcrumbs of their pain… maybe it’s time to ask yourself if you’re already walking down the same path.
